As I Get Older, I Wonder When It’s OK to be Called a Lady

Little Britain, "We're Laaadies, Don't You Know," said David Walliams and Matt Lucas

I mean, I’m going to get a little uppity here, so jog along if you feel that this may raise your blood pressure. I’m not here for that. It’s just that as soon as I hear the word ‘lady’ I bridle. This is swiftly followed by adopting the ‘ooh err missus’ voice of the Little Britain guys, and I generally mock the (usually well-intentioned) person who just said it with a ‘oooh, a laaaadie, we’re laadies’ voice. Because STOP IT.

Whether you meant it or not, a lady is a submissive, knows-her-place, wears-make-up-to-look-pretty-for-her-man kinda gal. She is the kind of woman a man who wants to have all the power would prefer. A lady doesn’t know or care about politics, let along argue her point vociferously. A lady doesn’t call out the man who is mansplaining her field of expertise to her, or repeating exactly what she has just said in a boardroom. A lady doesn’t get dirty in the workplace, the bedroom or on the sports field. And so who the hell wants to be a lady?

Proteas National Netball Team at the 2019 World Cup Semi Finals - Most Successful Team in Nearly 20 Years

On Saturday the lunchtime sports reporter on SmileFM started his bulletin by saying that not much was going on in sport aside from a couple of rugby games. And then, as an afterthought mentioned that the ‘women’s netball team’ were currently taking on defending champions Australia in the Netball World Cup semi final. He mentioned that the ladies were struggling and that we all wished the ladies the best of luck. Are you joking, you disrespectful ignoramus? The Proteas – international level sportspeople, representing your country – reached the semi final of a world cup for the first time in nearly twenty years, but were only referred to as ladies. WTAF? I mean it’s not like those cricketing gents managed anything close to that.

There is a song that I have on repeat at the moment – it’s called Ladylike by Ingrid Andress. And I like to play it loudly in my car. It reminds me of all the bad-ass women that I love and have in my life. The chorus lyrics include, “Controversial, so outspoken, I’ve been told I’m not ladylike. But I’m a lady like whoa, I could bring you to your knees, get you kicked out the Garden of Eden… lipstick in a cigarette pack on the dash, I’m a lady like that.” Isn’t that the kind of person you want to be, or want to have around you? Isn’t she the most resourceful, the warrior who is going to change the world, help the vulnerable, save the planet?

Lady Kitty Spencer, Raised in Cape Town, Woman of the World, Dynamic, Successful, the Only Correct Way to Use Lady.

Look, I am totally down with Lady Kitty Spencer and her cohorts using the title they were born with. But even Lady Kitty is, by all accounts, a fun, dynamic, making-it-happen young woman. She is by no means a ‘lady’ from what I have seen – she knows her own mind for sure. But I draw the line at the catcaller leaning out the passenger side of his best friends ride (ahem). I draw the line at the man in authority, trying to undermine, minimise, patronise. I draw the line at the jolly-hockey-sticks handmaiden of the patriarchy wanting all us ‘ladies’ to conform. I just draw the line.

Call us women. Not ladies. Not females. Not, for the love of all that is holy, GIRLS. Just call us women. It’s not that hard, is it? Or do I need to shout this louder for those at the back who just refuse to hear?