As I Get Older, I Have Learned This...

Quotables From The Mind of This Blog

I was going to let that stand. Complete in itself. But perhaps some context is helpful to you? If it is, read on. If not, the next post is much funnier, so skip on.

It's not like I am especially braggy, I post few selfies and I am quite proud of the knowledge I have built up over the years. But, like most of you, I am also insecure. I place a lot of my self-worth (almost certainly wrongly) on my work achievements and the validation I receive by leaders of business. I am a little desperate to be told I am really clever and the best at what I do. For Enneagram people, I am an obvious 3W4. And as such, while I try and play bashful, all I really want is food for my ego - for the validation to make me feel safe and happy, rather than sad and stressed. Well, guess what. I have come to realise that's just bloody stupid. Normal, for sure, definitely lucrative, but futile.

There is so much more to life and me and my contribution to society than what I know about ecommerce and technology and fashion and retail. And if people are blind to my abilities and how I can make them more money, that's also unimportant. I am happiest when I don't place value on praise, when I am entertained by the absurdity of life, when I do my best and am open to the fact that sometimes I will win and sometimes I will lose. And that doesn't change me as a person one jot.

When I am more tuned to hearing others, rather than needing to be right, the best, the winner, I am quite simply just happier. When I can remember that what is important is the fact that I am a warrior for equality, a survivor of life's brutality, a great dancing and road-trip companion, an inspiring thought-sharer, compassionate listener and hilarious friend - and place value on these things (even if no one else knows about them) - then I can actually find happiness. 

And so that's what I am focusing on teaching myself. Take my ego out, and be happy. Don't chase the win, chase the fun. Enjoy the process, rather than the outcome. Be 100% totally me, good and bad, and love myself for it as often as possible. There really is no fun in trying to impress others, so why even try? Please tell me that it's still possible to make a decent living this way? Also, wish me luck.