As I Get Older, I Can't Take Anything for Granted

Family Portrait, Cousins Edition. Taken on the Occasion of Uncle Clive's 80th Birthday

In a week in which my dad turned 79, another one of my oldest and best friends turned 50, and a dear memory from my past passed away from cancer, I know that I have reached an age where nothing makes sense anymore, and you absolutely can't assume anything about the future. It's all utterly bizarre and inexplicable. It's cause for celebration and grief in equal measure, and the indefatigability of time moving on becomes just a little terrifying. Because it genuinely feels like time is running out.

We certainly had no hope that my dad was going to make it past about 74. His health isn't great and there were several touch-and-go moments in his mid-70s, with his heart actually stopping dead a few times. Modern technology, a couple of pacemakers, a back brace and too many strong whiskeys have kept him with us, in better shape than we could ever have imagined, and I will be very surprised if we don't have a big ol bash for him in a year's time. These days when I ask him what he got up to today, he will casually say that he popped into the gym - I mean I certainly didn't make it to the gym, so you can imagine my shock and delight. And as much as we marvel at how lucky we all are, I find that I just can't take any of it for granted.

My 30th Birthday Party, with my Besties. Philly, Me, Orange Peel, Jane, Gilly in front.
Not much has changed. And yet, so much.

One just assumes that your 50s are the new 30s these days. We certainly don't feel any older. And some of us don't look much past that age. And then you get the news. Another shitty diagnosis of someone you have loved for many years, that makes you want to throw a punch or something at someone, but you have no idea who. Because it doesn't make any sense. It isn't fair! Why?

You rationalise. You hope. You know that they are strong and fierce and can cope with some adversity. But you can't make any concrete plans anymore. You can't assume that they will make it. Because some of them, like my old friend, didn't.

Some Misspent Youth Photos to Treasure. Fritha on the Far Right.
Sadly, Not All of Us Alive Today.

I mean these days I can't even assume that my memory will kick in and register people that permeated my youth with such vigour and passion. Yesterday my friend Fritha (not yet 50), asked me if I remember that guy from the Rondebosch band, who used to wear the leopard fur. I mean WHAT? How can I not remember that? I didn't even know that there was a band, frankly. What has happened to my memories, and how am I supposed to tell the fun stories from my youth if I can't remember the big guy that used to wear a bloody leopard fur?? What a waste.

You've Got To Laugh. It Will Help You Remember.

Anyhoo, all I can say is, that if you want to live well into your older age, treasure your memories, and your friends and family now. Because you may have them for longer than you or they deserve, but you may not. Laugh as often as possible, because when you laugh you remember the times. Tell those that you love that you love them, as often as possible. Tell them what makes them so special to you. Use your words, leave them notes, give them as many cuddles as they can stand. Give them the best of you. And just love them with all the fierceness that you would use to fight for survival. It is only through them that you will survive forever.

Oh, and also treasure your photographs. Because without photographs, I have no idea how I'm going to remember anything. So take loads but try and make sure that they are of the important things. And, of course, never, ever take any of it for granted.