As I Get Older, I Know Looks Aren't Everything (Anything)

Miserable and Not Pretty, My Early Years Were Horrible for The Family

Shame! Whilst My Sister Was All Dimples and Smiles, I Struggled Not to Frown All The Time.

From birth I was taught that being pretty was critically important in my life. And that as a baby, I was specifically and profoundly not pretty. Especially since my older sister had been such a beautiful baby that people would stop my parents in the street and gush over her beauty. She looked like an adorable kewpie doll. Whereas I, well I looked like a boy! And for some unknown reason, I was a miserable child. Can you imagine the horror and shame I brought upon the family!

I May Have Had A Sway Back and Pigeon Toes, But I Was Adorable By The Time I Went to Nursery School

With great relief, it turned out that my abhorrent looks were temporary and I can happily report that by the time I went to nursery school I was also adorable in a wicked-grin kind of way. I mean I was a little chunky, with a sway back and pigeon toes, so that would need to get sorted out pronto. But in the main, I was pleasing to look at and the family could once again go about their business in peace.

Thankfully I Stayed Pretty As I Entered my Teens. Drunk, a Bit Chunky, but Pretty. Before the New Horror.

As I grew up, my skin stayed smooth and my hair became more bouncy as the hormones kicked in. By the time I hit the teen years, the years of ballet training had done the job of sorting out my posture, and I was definitely an attractive 13-year-old, with a delightful - and quite surprising - sense of style that was very much approved of. However, as we entered the teens, there was much change afoot, that was to spell a real shift in this momentary pleasure.

Despite the ballet and the jazz, and the modern and the ballroom and the contemporary (and later even a hip hop) classes, my nicely-padded, rather larger frame stopped being cute and became a worry. Really, how was I ever going to find a husband if I was (please god, no) fat? My grandmother was called in for a consult. After all she had provided endless home-spun advice to my mother who was still skeletally thin by deploying her unusual eating habits. So Scottish granny was definitely the person for the job.

Of All The Diet Tips, None Recommend Undiluted Apple Cider Vinegar!

After some prodding and poking, neat Apple Cider Vinegar was prescribed after every meal. And obviously portions must be controlled, fiercely. I'm not sure if you have ever tasted undiluted Apple Cider Vinegar, but it is vile. Utterly, utterly vile. And so, taking matters into my own hands, with an urgency born of knowing how critical my looks were, I decided that not eating at all was preferable to the vile vinegar and knowing how much to dish up. And so the anorexic years began.

Time passed, lots of boys showed an interest, spurring on the starvation. Much approval was muttered by the dance teacher, the gym teacher, my dad, and my mum. Only my sister knew things were hinky but she didn't know what to do. The thinner I got, the more the boys liked it - but I knew on a profound and fundamental level that this was completely messed up. By the time all the adults noticed that I was sick I looked like a "walking skeleton". Mercifully I survived that period, thanks to my loved ones, and by the time I was 17, I had things under control. It took a few more years to get my sense of style back to one that was less gothic and more jazzy, but I did it

But I am not unscathed, even all these years later.

British Celebs Like Lily Allen and Megan Barton Hanson Have Admitted to Suffering From Body Dysmorphia

I am profoundly disturbed by the rampant body dysmorphia prevalent in young women, even now as we approach 2020. I can't believe that girl-children are STILL being raised with 'pretty' as the goal, and the standard compliment, when fun, smart or adventurous would be more meaningful. That they are still being matched with boys in the playground as their 'future husband' and being taught that being picked by a boy is the ultimate success, when they are still so tiny and impressionable.

Having had three separate marriage proposals from wonderful gentlemen in my life, and still being (straight and) unmarried at fifty, I can assure all young women that there is plenty of happiness in going a different route. That starving or denying yourself to be prettier, smaller, take up less room, remain weaker, is NOT the only way to succeed. That it isn't even a worthy goal, because it seldom brings happiness.

Do you know what brings happiness? Being happy with yourself. Not thinking you need to be improved to be accepted or attractive. Not thinking that you need surgery or modifications to be 'chosen'. Not needing to be chosen at all, and being proud of your ability to independently financially support your lifestyle. Being smart and witty and great company is far more important in ones life companions. Being stylish and knowing yourself, moving with confidence is significantly more important (and attractive) than being thin.

Having Adventures Around the World - In A Glass Loo in NYC, Outside Kensington Palace Unable To Stop Laughing, Seeing A Glacier in Alaska With My Still Cute Sister - So Many Stories To Tell About All of These!

As you get older, you become more and more invisible. Prettiness fades but great style can stand out. Having presence and smarts and being able to tell a great story at the dinner table, ensures company and fun and a deep sense of belonging in the world, in a way that being pretty and thin only superficially does. By the time you turn 80, will you say you really won at life? I think you will if you measure winning by the real stuff - the quality of your friendships, your travels, your commitment to your community, your enjoyment of life and your hilarious stories.

Until society shifts its messaging, and those raising the next generation of girls change the rules, we are stuck in a bit of a loop. Women will simply continue to have far less quality of life, the more energy they keep putting into looking pleasing for society. I say chuck it! It means so little! Be brave and cool and adventurous and go and do things that make for great stories. Who cares what you look like when you are doing it? You won't, because you will be having so much fun. I'm in - HMU!