As I Get Older, I Can't Remember My Thirties

My pal Kerry - in her thirties and living a much more fulfilled life than I did!

The older I get, the more I keep forgetting what a person's thirties are for. I was discussing this over the weekend with my very dynamic and vibrant thirty-something pal, Kerry. We both reflected on our twenties - how fraught they seem to be for everyone. Your twenties are so filled with promise and youth and the sense of immortality. You can do anything because you are invincible - but you often don't because you are anxious or depressed or confused or make critical mistakes, or get caught up in the general drama of twenties life. There is so much promise, so little money, and so much of yourself holding you back. But you get through it of course, thankfully most of us do. And as you sail into your thirties, feeling very grown up, you leave all that angst behind you as you mature and grow.

Having recently departed my forties, I know what they were for. It's the time - especially for women, but not exclusively - that you really find out who you are as a person. You strike out on your own in many ways, metaphorically and physically. You grow in such confidence, know what makes you happy, learn how to set a boundary (or maybe just that you should), and you start to own your power. It's not smooth sailing by any means. At the same time that you are just realising how mighty and self-sufficient you are, you also start noticing the slight degradation of your body. It's not like it used to be and serious illnesses are becoming a reality in your peer group. You may have a bit more money, but you also have a great deal more responsibility. And your parents - if you are lucky enough to still have them - start to become another couple of children. It's a lot. So much change, and so much growth - and really wondering why it took half your life to get to this place. This place where the happiness of yourself and others has real focus and importance.

Ageing Hipsters, Jeremy and I, eventually figuring it all out in our advanced years...

But your thirties? What are they for? For me, I spent most of my thirties in London. I definitely figured out what I wanted to do for a career eventually. I mean not forever-ever, but for the bulk of my salary-earning years. I consolidated, lost and gained, a few good friends. And I definitely did a whole lot of incredible travelling. I remember driving my Mini around London listening to XFM as it was then, with the bands of the time - The Editors, Hard-Fi, Kaiser Chiefs, Interpol, etc. - playing, and knowing I was going to see them live at Brixton Academy later in the week. But really it was a grown-up version of my twenties. And it lacked any real purpose.

Some may argue it was because I didn't have kids. But so few of my peers did at that point. Most waited until well into their late thirties, and even their forties before either choosing to have them or not. Others may say it's because I am a late developer. And this is almost certainly true. I really have taken longer than others to grow up, figure stuff out, become a graceful and contributing member of society. But maybe it does all come down to purpose? Cue all the millennials rolling their eyes because they had this figured out in their twenties already.

I know, as I enter my fifties, what my purpose is in life. And I intend to live that life. One of meaning and fulfilment. One that impacts positively on others. It's basically a life of love and grace. Maybe also of good humour and the occasional late night. I'm going to eventually process my annoyance at myself, that I wasted my thirties, and took so long to get here. And I am going to continue to learn from those who know better than I do. I said last week that the whippersnappers can teach us things. And I am so very grateful that they have.